I am a Robot

According to the Capcha ( Captcha? ) thing I just must never be human or I'm only human about 30% of the time. Somewhere between the jibberish vomit those things create for me to recreate and my flaily fingertips I just fail at being a functioning human being.

DuckCow!

I love ducks. They're so cute!~

Your Annoyance Pleases Kitty

I woke up this morning at about three. I didn't have to go to the bathroom. I didn't need a glass of water. I didn't have a nightmare. What did I have? I had a cat sitting on top of my dresser staring down at me. "Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow."

I searched her food dish. It was full. Water? It was fine. What in the world was driving my cat to meow constantly?

I still haven't figured it out. When I pet her she purred happily but then meowed again the moment I stopped. I just stared at her. She eventually just started batting my nose. She didn't stop and while it was heart warming at first it became more and more irritating because soon she was batting my nose, meowing, and purring at the same time.

I've determined that the more my kitty, Zoot, annoys me - the happier she is.

Lost Stephie Brain

So it has been a while since I’ve updated anything. It has been incredibly difficult to find the energy or the creative spark to sit down with my tablet and sketch or write anything. I think I sorta found myself in a creative slump. I love doing sketches and things for other people but apparently taking on too many requests zaps me of all my glow.

Alas! There lies another issue too! I’m too dang lazy to carry around a notepad and actually USE it when I get ideas for pictures and random little comics. I’ve bought several now and the most successful note taking device was the back of a wadded up receipt.

Most of my ideas hit me as I’m at work. I work in a print-station type place so there is paper PLENTY but I still fail to take documentation of my temporary spurts of insanity. I work often so the process usually goes something like this –

I’m at work. I work an eight hour shift. I’m standing around between customers rather bored, displaced from reality, and daydreaming.

Then it hits me! :D Wow! It really annoys me how people ‘axe’ me questions instead of asking me. STOP INQUIRY VIOLENCE! I should start a whole fake propaganda about how abused enigmas are an issue. It’d be fantastic!

Maybe I should write that down so I don’t forget it? …nah. It should be fine! I’ll most certainly remember something like that!

But then I arrive home. My mind has drawn a blank. I sit with my tablet in my lap and stare sadly down at its hopeful expression. It seems to smile at me – Oh, EVER so pleased I have returned home to pay it some attention, right?

How do I begin to explain to this tiny little piece of joy that I just don’t have the energy available to create something beautiful with it? It was so hopeful! I feel like I’ve let it down but that faithful little tablet just whimpers in empathy.

Oh, tablet! You say that but it’s only out of the kindness of your tiny, electrical heart! A tiny, electrical heart I have now SMASHED in to a million pieces!

At this point I have to walk away; shame encompassing my entire being. How could I have had so many wonderful ideas at one point and not recall them now? I have an AWESOME memory! I can remember what someone was wearing at a party four years ago without a problem so how is this possible? Does my brain just take a imagination vacation or something?

Brain! Why do you do this to me?! One time I was excited to draw about how the back ends of cars looked like dinosaurs when you drive at night but it took me three days to remember the idea and when I sat down to draw it I only came up with a squiggle on my tablet! I don’t understand how you operate, brain!

You’re kind of a jerk sometimes, you monocle wearing bastard.

Since I can’t remember any damn thing I might want to draw or write about at the moment, I’m going to sketch some things I see right now.

I’m sitting in a cute coffee shop down here called PJs. It took me about thirty minutes to find a parking spot because the majority of the population forgets how to drive during rush hour and downtown Gulfport is small but difficult to navigate with all the construction that inhabits it. I ordered a Velvet Ice Mocha and it is delicious.

Sitting in the chair beside me is a gentleman who looks like a homeless puppy. His hair is FANTASTIC! I can’t do it justice. I’ll try though –

See? The gentleman is now giving me odd looks as I just spent the last two minutes straight staring at him. I suppose that makes sense.

Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare.... It is so empty in here. Usher is on my play list. "I just wanna take it niiiiiice aaaaand slooooow!"

Oh… three guys just walked in dressy attire. They’re business men and they are comparing their power ties. You can easily tell which one is the boss because the other two ignorantly agree with everything he is saying. Funny how people lose opinions when it is beneficial for them to do so.

While I know power ties are supposed to just be empowering to your confidence visually and what not… I find it more fun to take things literal in my mind. I think ties would be much handier if they actually gave us super powers.

I want a wizard tie!

There really isn’t anyone else here that interesting to draw. People come and go. I think I’m just wasting space on the internet but continuing to type and sketch but hopefully it’ll get all this YUCK out of my head and I can do something worthwhile soon.

Special Note: I figured that my hair needed a change in sketch. I keep drawing it like the ghosts from Pac-Man because it was the easiest way to do it in the beginning but my hair really looks more like a messy Christmas tree.

Random Add-On to Special Note: You know how the ghosts chase Pac-Man around? I think that’s rather mean of them. I know that yellow jerk is eating all the little dots and all but chasing him around and beating the crap out of him isn’t solving their problems. I have a problem with Pac-Man turning around and exacting revenge on the ghosts when he gobbles up the power up thing. Two wrongs do NOT make a right, Pac-Man! Maybe if you extend the olive branch when you’ve got their attention then all the shenanigans would resolve but nooooo, you have to go and eat them! Well, if you ate me I’d just continue to haunt your canary ass more too! Be the bigger man! Jeez!

Dating

Well. I call this thing I do here a comic blog. Blog indicates that it’s my internets journal so I figured I’d share some more personal than usual insights instead of my usual blather this time.

I am a single Stephie. The dating world with all the rules and games and small print at the bottom of the page confuses and enrages me. I don't like playing by these rules. I like to just be me.

However, I am a single Stephie that jumped back in to dating and enjoys coffee. It is delicious. I like it cold. I like it hot. I like it fresh from the pot. I like coffee… I like it a lot. Yum.

The coffee is completely relevant.

So one night I was staring at the computer screen like this –

Alright, it was more like this with the cats and spazzing and being a big, super dork.

So there’s this dude that I met online. We switched information and it was awesome. Every now and then he’d IM me or vice versa and I enjoyed talking with him. “Good conversation is the most important thing,” he told me the first night we talked at all. I knew that he was going to be an awesome human being from the start. Also... he enjoyed coffee. :D

He invited me out for food early one morning. I declined due to having to get up early the next day. However, when he asked me to grab coffee with him a few nights later I answered, “Sure!”

Even though text doesn’t convey really cheesy facial expressions…. I still made this face as I typed. He must have felt my amazing, suave aura through his monitor.

Then it hit me after we made the plans…. I’m in my PJs, all my favorite clothes were dirty, and I didn’t have any time to get ‘first impression dolled up’ if I was gonna make it out there!

I wasn’t gonna give up! I had to hurry! I wanted to meet this guy! I had a mission! Too bad putting on an outfit seemed more like a 30 hour game of Risk instead of something I was taught in preschool.

I went from frazzled to supremely annoyed. I wanted to make a good impression and fabrics were getting in my way! COTTON! Blasted fiiiibeeers dyed and sized for my body!

So I did manage to get dressed and go about my way. We met up at the joint that was normally deserted on Sunday nights. I saw him long before he saw me. He was sitting at a table playing with his phone.

Unless anyone failed to notice, I have a lot of anxieties…. But I don’t let them get me down! Being anxious all the time just makes life more challenging and I’m ready to kick life in the ass when I need to! That being said, he finally looked up and noticed me approaching awkwardly. I imagine to someone watching it looked a little something like this –

I had to recover from such a weird entrance!

When he picked his head up the first time and didn’t see me I should have made my presence known! I should have shouted a cheerful, “Hi!” across the wave or waved in enthusiastic merriment but I shuffled to the counter and purchased my java instead. Oh, well.

Now that the ice was broken I had to engage in intriguing conversation. Once the first minute is over I calm down a significant amount but that first minute is a little… odd.

“Nice to meet you.” “How was your day?” “Crazy weather, eh?” Normal chit chat took place but I had to fight the compelling urge to do something like –

I was still pretty dang pleased with myself for getting dressed and arriving, I must admit.

I was about to confide in him how much trouble I had and my brave achievement in clothing myself when, thankfully, he relayed a story to me about cats making a trail between family members’ homes and the rest of the evening’s conversation went pretty smooth.

There was also coffee involved and... well, I love coffee.

We saw each other again during the week for a little while but then we had a date that weekend. Hibachi was on the menu ( SO GOOD! Chicken...soy sauce! AH! Amazing! ) and he played a cute little game on me that took me so totally off guard that I thought my head was going to explode. While I was eating he pulled out his phone ( something normal, so I thought nothing of it – I do that a lot too ) but while I thought he was sending someone else a message… he sent me a text.

I didn't notice. I was in delicious idiocy. Did I mention how good it was? Man. I ate the left overs the next day and it still tasted as good and I'm not the biggest fan of rice and some of the veggies they put in there. Anyway, I pulled out my phone after dinner while he was getting ready to leave and a message to my phone from him read, “I’m at dinner with a cutie. :-D”

I guess he was curious if I really did blush as much as I said I do. …..I wasn’t lying.

We've seen each other again since that night and I look forward to seeing him again. :) Everything so far has been absolutely enjoyable. His company is fantastic. He’s handsome, intelligent, and POLITE. The best part of it all ( other than his complete nerdy-ness ) is the verbal jousting we embark on! Teasing is so essential to me and we’re both pretty damn pro at it.

Alright. I may have lied…. The BEST part? ….his leg makes a really amazing pillow.

He asked me if I was doodling our times out together or anything about us. Haha! Oh, silly him...

The answer is most obviously –

What do you take me for? Someone who draws silly pictures of things? Jeeeez. :3

Take THIS!

This tale happens on a beautiful evening while I was on my way to a friend’s house to hang out after work. It was one of those fine kinda nights where the weather was perfect, the radio was jamming, I was feeling fantastic, and all was right with the world. My van ( The Beast as it is so affectionately referred to by me ) was a sanctum of awesome and I was it’s only inhabitant; mobile Zen.

I grew weary of the pop and rap for the evening and switched it to our local alternative rock station. I wish I could recall the ear sex that came out of the speakers but it was one of those great nostalgic type tunes that reminded you of when you were a kid in middle school and Papa Roach was suffocating, no breathing, and didn’t give a ---- you know the rest.

I immediately joined in on the tune sporting my best growl ( it’s pathetic ) and enough effort in to sounding like a badass that had The Beast ran on ridiculous then I could exclude gas from my budget for half a year easy.

Verse two faded… the chorus echoed for a moment and then …. the GUITAR SOLO!

Had I the ability to mosh and drive at the same time I might have tried. I’m a little surprised I didn’t. Oh, sweet elation! As I described before – there’s just something magical about cruising, music, and being uninhibited.

Being uninhibited has social consequences… It was at a red light that my audience and I halted our journey and idled among a sea of awkward glances and stares.

They were mostly directed at me.

While I’m sure there are far worse instances I’ve experienced at red lights we’re going to exclude any other time and go ahead and claim this as the most uncomfortable red light I have ever been subjected to. Some people pointed and laughed with their friends while a truck with dark tinted windows sputtered in a mocking manner beside me.

“Turn green. Turn green. Turn green. Turn GREEN!” I urged the light. I don’t think it understood what it was that I wanted it to do.

What seemed to be forever later, we were all on our way again down the streets to our destinations. I rolled down my window and let the wind give me a hug.

I pondered the deeper meanings of life and how much it sucked to be a social outcast in school and now as an adult. ( Pity parties happen but they seldom last long. )

........ Okay. Sometimes they don't last long.

See? No more sadness! That’s a happy noise. Happy noises are what I call this frequency my cell phone makes when I receive a text message. Somehow, the tone I have it set to cuts through any noise around me and I always hear the disturbance enough to recognize what’s up.

That's my text message noise up there.

I dumped the punch bowl and ditched the party hat as I reached for my phone to see who wished to open communication with a super, hardcore shock rocker like me. This is where things get amazing, in my most humble opinion.

I looked down…. Y’see, I hate fishing my phone out of my pocket while driving. I don’t like setting it down on the seat beside me, in the door handle slot, cup holder, etc. For some reason the cell has found a home in my seat halfway underneath my thigh. I don’t know how this became a habit but it is.

The screen glimmered with its rave-like qualities and shined up at me : ALERTING me of the message awaiting my hungry eyes. I was no longer super concerned with my text though…. You see, the glower from the device light up the steering wheel with such an intensity that I squealed. This was TOO PERFECT!

With my window still rolled down and the brake applied to stop at another red light I proclaimed - NAY! SHOUTED! ....

The stares were great with intensity.

Give yourself +16 points if you get the reference.

Give yourself +8 more points if you are equally excited about this.

Consumer Beware

There's no a big story here with this one... just.... just stop it people. Don't make me use the stick.